We are now it Beijing, and I realized I never sent this post to Charlton to add to the blog. Today, two days later (and a lot of water under the bridge) it is almost difficult for me to remember what to write.
I may have already mentioned that so much about adopting an older teenage child really feels like a marriage. To underscore this fact, on this day was our final meeting at the civil affairs office. This meeting takes place after the 24-hour "harmonious period" which is purposed to allow a time of determining if this match can be succesful. At this appointment we were asked to state who we were and why we were here to adopt a child. Joy then had a time to state whether or not she wanted to be adopted. Here is a picture of her writing a statement of why she wants to be adopted. After the initial shock of meeting us, being stuck in a hotel room with us (including sleeping in a room with a MAN), and being knocked in the face of how challenging it is for us to understand each other - we wondered if she would want to run back to the orphanage. Here you see her writing her statement why she wanted to be adopted.
Another reason for delays in between our computer time and communicating with the outside world is Joy very cleverly immediately figured out how to text with her girlfriends, nannies and teachers on QQ (some kind of Chinese texting software). She texts, and has me text with her girlfriends in English. Although we will ultimately limit this computer time when we are in a more normal situation, it helped to give her a sense of comfort and enjoyment of speaking with them. It has also been a bonding thing for Mommy and Joy. She has me sit on her lap and text her friends and teacher. She giggles with delight as we have this correspondance. I think this is so ironic: before coming I wondered how we would be able to physically bond. I thought of how an adoptive parent has immediate chance for physical bonding by holding, feeding, bathing, diapering. How could I nurture this physical bonding with a teenager? I'd read about Reactive Attachment Disorder, preparing for the "holding therapy" if needed. But last night she had me sit on her lap for 3 hours while we were on the computer - to the point that I felt a big uncomfortable. But every time I try to get up, or gesture that it must be cutting off the circulation to her legs - she refuses to let me up and holds me in place. So ironic...!
Another reason for delays in between our computer time and communicating with the outside world is Joy very cleverly immediately figured out how to text with her girlfriends, nannies and teachers on QQ (some kind of Chinese texting software). She texts, and has me text with her girlfriends in English. Although we will ultimately limit this computer time when we are in a more normal situation, it helped to give her a sense of comfort and enjoyment of speaking with them. It has also been a bonding thing for Mommy and Joy. She has me sit on her lap and text her friends and teacher. She giggles with delight as we have this correspondance. I think this is so ironic: before coming I wondered how we would be able to physically bond. I thought of how an adoptive parent has immediate chance for physical bonding by holding, feeding, bathing, diapering. How could I nurture this physical bonding with a teenager? I'd read about Reactive Attachment Disorder, preparing for the "holding therapy" if needed. But last night she had me sit on her lap for 3 hours while we were on the computer - to the point that I felt a big uncomfortable. But every time I try to get up, or gesture that it must be cutting off the circulation to her legs - she refuses to let me up and holds me in place. So ironic...!
After our morning appointments, there was some flurry in her communication to us, and she ran downstairs. Turns out she'd directed her favorite nanny/ teacher to buy as an array of various local fruit, snacks and specialties. The nanny must have gone on her lunch break to shop, and dropped it off at the hotel. She couldn't wait to show it all to us. There were freshly roasted chestnuts (so many that she wants us to bring back to the family), spicy peanuts, steamed buns filled with bean curd, fruit, Chinese pancakes, and her favorite fruit "hua long guo" called Fire Dragon Fruit. She was delighted to share it with us and give us a big tasting moment. She'd also asked her teacher to bring nutritional food for Max's mom whom she knew broke her hip about one month ago.
In the afternoon, she was so excited to take us on a little outing (she paid the taxi fare and everything). We went to "Tianjin Visitors Ancient Chinese Culture street". She walked us through every alley way, bought us little presents, and watched carefully to see our reaction to everything.
That night we took her to her favorite restaurant, a barbeque restaurant which was like a version of a Chinese "Outback Steakhouse". She had the opportunity to go there one time with friends, and it had been a special memory for her. We learned another example of her cleverness. This all-you-can-eat restaurant has you pay up front; yet you have to pay for any food you leave on your plate. She explained that when she came with her friends they stayed there 5 hours. They would gorge themselves, wait a little bit, and then eat some more (there is no limit on how long you stay). This restaurant costs about $8 per person (an expensive restaurant for the local people).
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Hello Ellzeys. We are reading with interest your adventures. It look cold there and Max and Amy you both look tired. Joy will be Miss in charge untill you move on to GZ. Stay healthy and we hope your journey continues to be a safe one.
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